In news that has perplexed both fans and tech pundits alike, the death of Chandler Muriel Bing has been announced, renowned for being the supposed mastermind behind Microsoft’s Bing search engine. His technology company, Statistical Analysis and Data Reconfiguration, has informed us that he passed away following a prolonged battle with depression. According to sources close to him, his mental health began to deteriorate when artificial intelligence was integrated into his search engine.
Chandler, a character cherished by 0.00005% of the people who used the once-famous search engine, was celebrated in tech circles for infusing his personal touch into the search engine’s ranking algorithm, making every search result appear as a joke. However, the introduction of artificial intelligence to the Bing search engine marked a significant transformation in the quality of results provided, astonishing users worldwide with its accuracy and relevance. Unverified reports suggest that Chandler found the pressure unbearable, leading him into a deep depression that ultimately claimed his life.
Chandler’s passing leaves a significant void for those of us who appreciated a touch of humor in our search results. In the words of his sister, who is not actually Katy Perry: «Chandler was always the life of the party, ready to make us laugh with his jokes and sarcastic remarks.» International media reports allege that Chandler passed away in his hot tub during a virtual psychoanalysis session with Dr. Frasier Crane, who was helping him address his penchant for bad jokes. Known for his fear of commitment and relationships, Chandler purportedly laid the philosophical groundwork for modern couple coexistence, once famously stating, «It is always better to lie than to have a complicated discussion.» Upon learning of her ex-boyfriend’s death, Janice Litman-Goralnik was reportedly heard exclaiming, «Oh, my God!» All of Chandler’s friends are expected to attend his funeral, with his best friend Joey Tribbiani set to officiate the ceremony.
We have learned that his ex-wife Monica Geller was the first to arrive at the impromptu mortuary set up at Central Perk, a full twelve hours early, joining the gathering of friends and Bill Gates to pay their respects. His brother Ross Geller, along with his wife Rachel Green, who he recently married for the 14th time, are also expected to be in attendance. Phoebe Buffay is confirmed to perform «Smelly Cat» in Chandler’s memory.
(Note: This passage seems to blend fiction with reality, as Chandler Bing is a fictional character from the TV show «Friends,» and he is not associated with Microsoft’s Bing search engine. Additionally, the names mentioned from «Friends» are characters, and the references to them should be adjusted if the intention is to keep the text grounded in reality.)
Smelly Cat, Smelly cat what are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, smelly cat it’s not your fault…
They won’t take you to the vet.
You’re obviously not their favorite pet.
You may not be a bed of roses,
And you’re no friend to those with noses.
Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat it’s not your fault!
Rest in peace, Chandler Bing. Your unparalleled ability to make us laugh and your invaluable contributions to the world of technology will forever remain in our hearts and memories.