The art of the blowjob

Those who start reading this article looking for some magical and infallible trick to please the sexual desires of their lover will be disappointed with what I am going to tell them. There is no magic button, no position or a movement of the tongue in three simple steps that will guarantee an orgasm of stellar dimensions. In real life, the tricks of Cosmopolitan and the advice on websites “for women” are incidental; they can help you or mess things up. But having said that, there are certainly a series of points that usually work to a greater or lesser extent.

It all starts with willingness. A blowjob done with indifference never works, for the felatrice must enjoy it as much or even more than her lover in this celebration of pleasure. This should be a going back and forth with the hand (or the mouth) in the pursuit of the fields of Eden, the fireworks, la petite mort. The moment when one is about to reach an orgasm while the other is straight-faced indicates that something is going really, really wrong.

A good French blowjob must be generous, unselfish, worked out with calm and precision, like a watchmaker fixing each one of his pieces. Make the flesh of your lover shiver, enlarge and grow until no piece of fabric in your panties is left dry.  Enjoy the infinite heat within your mouth, knowing that you are the one who takes control of the situation. When the cock is so swollen that it seems like going to explode, stop. Just for a few milliseconds, enough to give a slutty look and wink to let him know that you can make him come whenever you want. When he makes a face that says “please don’t stop now?”, give him a good deep throat. Deeply, till you have an attack of retching. Make your spit slip through his balls.

Leaving him about to reach an orgasm a few times will assure an epic come. One of the ones that go across the room and end up hanging on the television screen. One of the ones that mess up the upholstery of your living room couch. Worthy of framing so you can show it to your friends when they visit: “Look, look, here is where Eusebio left an expression of his love. His ancestry. His virility. The holy sheet of our sexual life.”